2022-08-02

Set 7 · Episode 568

Uncle Lazer

SpecialManWhite

Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets

This set·2 bits·4 beats·0.54 punch density·2.75 tag density

Watch Uncle Lazer’s set

Skips to 1:04:21 in the episode

[Bit 1]

- All right, well you can tell

by my aggressively bull-dyed lunch lady haircut,

I'm not from these parts, okay?

So I'm from a small village about two hours south of here

where we burn trash for fun.

We have sex with relatives 'cause it's cost-effective.

Dad, he said he's only paying for one fucking wedding.

So you can imagine when I moved here,

there's a lot of different things,

the skyscrapers, the goddamn traffic, running water.

I never knew what white privilege was,

but I figured it's an indoor bathroom.

[Bit 2]

But the main difference is the women.

See where I'm from, the women, they chew Copenhagen

and they got calluses on their hands.

They're farm girls.

I don't know if you've ever been jacked off

by a farm girl with calluses on her hands,

kinda like sandpaper, you know what I'm saying?

But every once in a while on Hanukkah

and your birthday, they go in there,

they milk that old dairy cow

and they get it all nice and buttery.

You know, like an old unpasteurized milk type shit.

It is an absolute fucking treat.

Anyways, I went out to the great,

the white horse saloon the other night,

and I met a nice young lady,

she had a haircut just like mine,

and I knew we was fixing to get nasty to one another

by licking each other's buttholes and shit,

and I like that kind of stuff.

And I look at her and she got hair on her underarms,

and I got to think, if she got hair on her underarms,

she got hair on her pussy.

And I do as well, you know what I'm saying?

So we don't get stuck like blue.

We look like Siamese twins going to get a cum rag together,

you know what I'm saying?

Her mama got to come in there,

hit us with a water hose like dogs in fucking heat.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Rural incest could be cost-effective.”

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setup- All right, well you can tell

setupby my aggressively bull-dyed lunch lady haircut,

setupI'm not from these parts, okay?

setupSo I'm from a small village about two hours south of here

setupwhere we burn trash for fun.

punchlineWe have sex with relatives 'cause it's cost-effective.

tagDad, he said he's only paying for one fucking wedding.