You would keep the boats where they were
by dipping down into the waters.
- I dip them down in the waters
and y'all are in for a great treat right now.
This is, I play a song after each one of my news stories.
I'd like to play that song for y'all.
Are you gonna sing along?
You have to sing something, make up words.
Do something, William, you're just playing a song.
Oh, you're actually playing that?
Come on, show us, you buffoon.
Tell your fucking do-nothing girlfriend to be the camera person.
We're getting married. Jesus Christ, William.
That's great. Have her be the camera person. Have her film you. Call her to get her- How do I- I don't know how to flip this camera around.
Here, watch. Are you playing that?
[Bit 1]
Honestly dude, oh seriously I lost my virginity to that song dude.
Is that a yogurt mat in the back dude?
And how are you all doing?
It's the best time of our fucking lives.
What are you talking about?
[Bit 2]
It's week six of quarantine.
Has it been six weeks now?
Yeah, something like that.
Dude, I've jerked off 7,000 times, dude.
Are you really getting married?
Or was that just another one of your classic jokes?
No, yeah, we're getting married next week.
[Bit 3]
Where are you going to go to get married?
We're flying down to a civil war union.
You're flying to Tampa, Florida for it.
We're going to get married.
I want all of y'all to join.
Where's the honeymoon going to be?
Pana Vitra Beach and Jackson.
Did she give you a ring back?
or did you give her a ring or a bruise or a-
Man, I've really missed y'all.
This is becoming hard for me out here.
Yeah, what's the hardest part?
God, not completing 1,000 piece puzzles.
I've bought four off of Amazon.
I can't complete any of them.
Have you tried mixing the four puzzles together,
perhaps using a piece from one of the other puzzles?
- Yes, I have without any, it hadn't worked.
- Have you asked Jeremiah for help?
He does 300 piece puzzles.
- Yeah, Jeremiah has been struggling with puzzles lately.
- Jeremiah, can we do one or something?
- I'd love to do a virtual puzzle with you, dude.
Can we do a virtual puzzle?
You're cool with a virtual puzzle.
Yeah, I'd love to do a virtual puzzle.
I'd love to do a Zoom call with you, dude,
and us find the same puzzle, dude,
and us complete it at the same time, dude.
Can we do a Zoom virtual puzzle together?
I'd love to do a virtual puzzle with you, dude.
You're my freaking bro, dude.
[Bit 4]
You all drink milk?
Yeah, dude, whole milk every day, bro.
Tad, what's your favorite kind of milk?
Whole milk, dude, vitamin D, every single time.
-Really? -How about you, Ice?
-Only milk I like is from a pussy, you know?
-Dude, I would have five of you right now, but I can't.
-Everybody's favorite, pussy milk, everyone.
How about you, Connor, your favorite kind of milk?
-Hey, look at that, dude.
-Milf. -Milk without the K, dude.
-I'm a 2% guy. I don't know about you guys.
-I would have guessed. -I'm a 1% guy.
- He puts money in his milk.
- Come on, put money in my milk.
- That's actually a really good movie.
I watched that the other night, Milk Buddy.
It's a really good one, it's been a seal.
[Bit 5]
- I love your acting, I saw you in The Lighthouse.
Have you seen The Lighthouse?
- Dude, he just called you Will in the phone, bro.
- Yeah, I thought it was called The White House.
All right, William, we love you.
Please don't let me still do this.
I think this is one of the great performances of your entire career on the show.
This is probably one of my best.
You're sweet to say that.
