Are you listening to music?
Well, paying attention to the show.
I was listening to y'all, the band.
What are y'all doing today, high school rejects?
Freaking Douche bags, dude.
What's been happening, David?
[Bit 1]
Did you have to do 420 booty hops this morning, Tony?
-Did you just ask me if I had to do 420 booty hops today?
-David, everyone knows the answer to this question is absolutely I do.
I start my day with booty hops over little booty holes
that I dig in the backyard.
I keep track of my points by a piece of dildo-shaped chalk
that I write on a chalkboard and then I shove it up my ass
and in my mouth a bunch of times.
I give myself the Alabama corn pocket.
[Bit 2]
Tony nicknamed his booty hole mayonnaise jar.
That's true because there's so much mayonnaise.
When there's not any mayonnaise in my booty,
I'm always like, hell, man, get me some more.
Give me some more of that sweet, sweet man mayo.
Because my booty hole is gay.
There's also lettuce and a tomato in there.
- Just in case I need to make a BLT on the fly.
Just, once you farty, then you can party.
- BLT, LGBT, all of it. - That's right.
[Bit 3]
- Hey dog, I found out how to cook in grocery store
- Oh, you cook in the grocery store?
- That's why there's been a shortage.
- So you go to the freezer aisle
and get you like a frozen pizza
and put it in the heating part with the rotisserie chickens.
-Go do your shopping and when you come back, you got a free pizza.
-Because you didn't pay for it.
-In the end, you just steal it.
-Everything's free if you just steal it at the end.
-Every time you put it in the rotisserie chicken thing,
-You just put it between your thighs, walk around the store a little bit.
-Hey, Joe, but such a foodie-ass.
-We already went through the fat jokes, guys.
-No, we can do more. -Keep on doing it.
-They're so funny. -No, we can do more.
[Bit 4]
-Red Baron, Red Baron, shut your ass up.
You look like you got on some steel toe boots.
-It'd be a miracle if your ancestors whipped.
What? I don't even know what that joke was, but--
-Was that a mayonnaise joke?
-Red Man coming in four minutes late with a mayonnaise joke.
-It still doesn't make sense.
-And his defense, he was running as fast as he could.
-He's going to need a miracle.
-Red Man, you look like the nigga who used to sell them ShamWow towels.
-Did you say ShamMoo towels?
You know the ShamWow nigga you're the first to do?
-ShamWow is ShamMoo's brother.
Something about Mary that's in your ear
You know Brian said something horrible when he takes a huge sip
Doesn't get it if he takes a huge he's saying that his earbuds look like jizz coming out of his ear. Yeah. Oh
I'm a douchebag translator
- Yeah, how do you get to it?
- Whoa, have you told your parents, dude?
- David, what else is going on there?
Have you started to believe in any conspiracy theories
[Bit 5]
- Can we see the artwork that's behind you?
- Yeah, what's the artwork there?
- Two elephants in the room, dude.
- Dude, it's all family folks.
- That's just motivation for working out.
- That's his goal weight, dude.
- Dude, that's a mirror, dude.
- Red band, why is Red Band acting skinny?
[Bit 6]
- Red band, you look like you should do
- You know, I wish I could.
That's probably a good paycheck there.
You got some grilled onions in your pocket right now.
You got grilled onions in your pocket right now.
You know, they give me acid reflex.
I always put them in my pockets.
Between the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, and onions,
you guys almost have a full burger together.
I'm going to spread my cheeks.
Do you wish you could let you have pockets?
Red band is the only guy that says never mind after he does it.
[Bit 7]
Joe, instead of somebody, somebody put an underage girl in
front of Red band so he can leave me alone.
All right, David, what else have you been doing to pass the
anything else we should know about any good advice?
[Bit 8]
- Exercising, watching a lot of boxing, old boxing fights.
- Hey, that doesn't count by the way.
- Red band says that you count your boxing
that you watch as exercising.
- Oh, the only exercise you get is getting in
- I mean, lately, you might be on to something, you know.
getting off my my tushy and getting into my Tesla.
