Set 4 · Episode 692

Ahren Belisle

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Career avg·1.67 bits/set·4.17 beats/set·1.40 punch density·2.86 tag density·6 sets

This set·1 bit·5 beats·0.64 punch density·0.80 tag density

Watch Ahren Belisle’s set

Skips to 35:02 in the episode

[Bit 1]

- I had a one night stand and six weeks later

she texts me saying she's pregnant.

Bullshit, I wore protection.

And no, I didn't put the condom on my hand

to protect her from Mr. Scratchy.

I knew she was lying because we only had sex once

and I checked and I had a full bag of goop.

I brought my condoms home with me

and inspected them because you can't trust these hoes.

This lady poked holes in my condoms.

I have pictures.

She's a lunatic.

I don't even have money.

I'm just a middle-class retarded guy like you.

Drake puts hot sauce in his condoms

and ties them up so this doesn't happen,

but I can't tie and not so next time

I'm using fucking lighter fluid.

She thought she could outsmart me.

Nah, I knew what to do.

I told her cerebral palsy is hereditary.

- You can't fool me, lady.

That little two-handed bastard ain't mine.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“"Protection" can mean pregnancy prevention or scratch prevention.”

Joke Type

double-meaning

Lines

setup- I had a one night stand and six weeks later

setupshe texts me saying she's pregnant.

setupBullshit, I wore protection.

setupAnd no, I didn't put the condom on my hand

punchlineto protect her from Mr. Scratchy.