Set 9 · Episode 689
Todd Royce
Golden TicketWhiteMan
Career avg·3.00 bits/set·4.50 beats/set·0.45 punch density·1.11 tag density·6 sets
This set·3 bits·4 beats·0.33 punch density·1.00 tag density
Watch Todd Royce’s set
Skips to 1:19:14 in the episode
[Bit 1]
- I have a dog.
I have a dog, not a dog, a Shih Tzu Poodle.
I don't think if you, that's not a dog.
Shih Tzu Poodles to me are like K-pop bands.
Like they're adorable, but if I hit one with my car,
I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.
They all have these cute little names.
People call them shootles.
I call this one a ship-poo,
especially 'cause she's gotten old
and she's lost complete control of her bowels.
Ship-poo's actually what we call grandma near the end.
It's a joke, we never called grandma near the end.
She didn't have any money, why waste our time?
[Bit 2]
We, I wanna get a pit bull.
I love pit bulls.
A lot of people think pit bulls are a violent dog.
I think that's bullshit, it's all in the training.
I can train my dog to be an attack dog, it'd be perfect
'cause no one's gonna admit to being attacked by a shootle.
[Bit 3]
But still, if you look online at adopting a pit bull,
there's all this stuff about how to defend yourself
if one attacks you.
And they say the best way to defend yourself
if a pit bull attacks you is to take your thumb
and shove it up the dog's ass.
They say that's the best way to defend yourself if a pit bull,
I say that's the best way to defend yourself
if anybody attacks you.
Try that the next time you're getting mugged.
It works on pit bulls and Puerto Ricans.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Shih Tzu Poodles is like K-pop bands because both involve cute disposability.”
Joke Type
analogyLines
setup- I have a dog.
setupI have a dog, not a dog, a Shih Tzu Poodle.
setupI don't think if you, that's not a dog.
setupShih Tzu Poodles to me are like K-pop bands.
setupLike they're adorable, but if I hit one with my car,
punchlineI'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.