Wow. Come on people. It's still happening.
I don't know why the music would go down before it was at the mic, but...
[Bit 1]
Say hello to my big friends.
Custom made titties for your lips and your tongue.
[Bit 2]
You know, this is a very interesting place.
You go to the bathroom, the ladies' bathroom's
right next to the men's bathroom back here,
and I just stood there and watched the men hold their dicks.
They just stood there, dick all in their hand,
and they're just pissing and pissing.
And I almost pissed on myself watching them.
You don't get to see people like that, you know,
in the bathroom with the dick out like that.
[Bit 3]
And ladies, I gotta tell y'all something.
Stop trying to tell Dick what to do.
Dick ain't gonna listen to you.
Ain't you figure this shit out by now?
warm wet pussy or a dick asshole.
- All right, after a date.
- Taking some creative risks tonight.
This is episode 420 because everybody that's been on stage
at one point has weighed 420.
You are an absolute killer as always.
I always compliment your, what would we call that?
Not, what is it, bonacious?
- Yeah, my boom, boom, boom, boom, bam, goddamn.
- Yup, that's exactly, you know what,
that's the word I was looking for.
Aphrodite, did you write that joke in the back
before the show? - Yeah, I did.
- While actually, were you actually watching guys
hold their penises? - Yeah, I was, seriously.
You can see them holding their dicks right back there.
- You don't cost nothing.
- Oh my God, look at you. - I love it.
- You are one horny little bag of fun.
- Yeah, my titty almost fell out while I was watching them.
- Titties almost fell out.
- Were you pushing them out?
- Yeah, how did they almost fall out?
- They got a mind of their own, they're illegal.
- They're just trying to jump off the roof.
- If your titty don't fall out,
it would take a lot longer than 60 seconds.
- You know, in Africa it's sexy if your titties hit the ground.
- I'm glad to know that, I'm glad to know that
because they already hit my knees.
- Aphrodite, you have such an incredible charisma.
Remind us all, how long have you been doing stand up?
- I started here August 22nd, 2016.
I got on the first time I came.
You had good luck even back then.
- Have you gotten up anywhere since then?
- Where else do you perform since?
- Oh, I've done different shows.
I have my own podcast show now.
I'm on the move, you know?
I'm about to stare at you, you're talking about the fact that's that.
You know what I'm saying?
Heck yeah, she is that I started late fighting edge that I see a lot of people...
I'm here to start trouble.
It's never too late to start, but I still don't think you should do comedy.
I don't give a fuck what you think, man.
I'm just kidding, Aphrodite.
I've seen you here many times.
I was sitting on your lap.
You gotta spend more time after...
I can hear you better when I feel...
- We need a medic, we need a medic.
Jeffy Ross' knee is broken.
- This is emergency dick test.
This is the greatest moment of my life.
- Well I won't ruin it by getting up for it.
- Don't get up after that.
- His dick might jump out.
I told you motherfuckers out of control,
dicks cannot mind business, they can't do it.
- Tony, is it possible to get subtitles for this lady?
- She's been on here 20 times,
I've understood maybe four words ever.
- Afro, be careful. - You hear that suction sound?
- Be careful Afro, Diddy.
There's a lot of steps back there.
I don't want you, I don't want you taking a little--
- You don't take so much shit at 64.
- I don't want you taking a little comfortable.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
You look great, you look great.
- Afro, come on, don't do that to him.
You're gonna make him come, Afro.
- No, don't do that 'cause I'll charge his ass.
Don't be common free shit.
Don't be doing that shit.
- I would love to see your guys' baby, Jufro Daddy.
- But speaking of common.
- I just got me double-deed.
Speaking of common, I was doing a lot of that yesterday.
- Whoa, you hooking up with the guy yesterday?
- It's common with my curtains.
It's common with my curtains.
You'd wash those curtains if there was common.
- Oh no, I ain't never washing them.
I don't see that common until I'm 95.
God, sometimes you are just absolutely disgusting.
- Well, sex is ain't good if it's not disgusting, Tony.
- The more disgusting, the better, right, boys and girls?
- As long as you're married.
- This ain't my friend, I like you.
- Afrodite, have you ever had a lesbian experience?
- Hell no, I'm no pussy on me.
Shit, one pussy is enough.
Someday I'll know what you said.
- Hell no, I'm strictly dick up in this motherfucking
plantation fucking, okay?
- It just reminds me, I have to call my mom tonight.
- Oh my God, I was vibing you,
so now I'm like, you're getting one of them
motherfucking joints tonight,
I'll put a hex on that motherfucking bowl, okay?
- You need to worry about your old ass joints.
- I'ma sit on your face after the show.
- Hey, don't threaten me with a godly time, I love it.
- You got a flat face, a flat motherfucking face, okay?
- Tony, I think the crowd's really enjoying
this Eddie Murphy character they got cut.
- Live from New York, it's Saturday night!
- Yeah, yeah, New York, motherfucking ass!
- Aphrodite here, I got a little marshmallow
- I'm gonna give it a coochie rug.
- It's not a tampon, it's a lollipop.
- I hate Santa Claus, I hate him,
I gotta tell you the truth.
- I don't know, jingle bells,
all that shit make me feel violent.
- Is there any Christmas song?
Can you give us a line of one Christmas song maybe?
Since you have such an incredible musical talent,
I want these guys, I want everybody to enjoy themselves.
You have one good verse off a Christmas song
that you can belt out for us.
You have a single one up there?
♪ Bring all the mistletoes ♪
♪ I'm gonna make you see it brighter ♪
♪ The fire signs burning bright ♪
♪ I said we're caroling through the night ♪
And it's Christmas, Santa's gonna be a funky, funky load on Christmas.
- You told me take a bow so you can look at my ass.
That's wrong, that is fucking wrong.
I'ma charge you motherfuckers, I'm told.
Yeah, but go in the bathroom ladies
and play like you going in the bathroom
and watch them holding them dicks back there.
- Aphrod, no one has these pedophile powers like you did.
No one else can do this to them.
- Oh, they 21, these motherfuckers in here over 21,
you can watch them hold they dick.
I know, but somehow you make it sort of pedophile-y.
I know everybody's 21, but the way you're just staring at dicks while people are peeing.
How long were you standing there for?
I'm just still there until the secretions of my vagina soon.
