Set 1 · Episode 744
Uncle Lazer
SpecialManWhite
Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets
This set·5 bits·7 beats·0.23 punch density·0.00 tag density
Watch Uncle Lazer’s set
Skips to 7:51 in the episode
[Bit 1]
- Hey, my parents are divorced if you couldn't tell.
And if your parents are divorced,
I really don't fucking trust you, to be honest.
If you ain't never been dropped off
in a Walmart parking lot on Christmas Eve,
in the back, right?
Like a hostage, negotious situation,
where your mama got a flick the light
at your daddy's car 'cause they don't wanna see each other
in person just to go to your second Christmas,
You don't know trauma.
If you ain't ever seen your daddy
pull your mom out of bar for drinking too much
and getting domestic dispute,
put the clothes on the ground,
you got to lie to the cops
about who started the fight.
You don't know loyalty.
[Bit 2]
Listen, my mom and daddy split when I was nine, all right?
My daddy is a straight, lace, God-fearing Christian.
He goes to work tired, he comes home sore.
Well, mama, well, she's retarded.
[Bit 3]
You see, my mom fucked all of Metallica in the '80s.
She's built for Duff.
[Bit 4]
She actually had a landing strip when she gave birth to me.
That's why I got this haircut.
[Bit 5]
And I remember the first day they split.
I remember when it happened.
We was driving on I-10, and my mama got us lost.
My daddy's arguing with her.
My mom ain't much arguing.
She wants to punch real quick, all right?
And I got so scared that I swallowed a bunch of fucking lifesavers
and I started choking to maybe bring them together as a team, you know?
To maybe salvage their marriage.
They divorced three weeks later.
Bit 1 · Beat 1
Beat Details
Beat Premise
“Divorced parent both distrust others and yet are one.”
Joke Type
contradictionLines
setup- Hey, my parents are divorced if you couldn't tell.
setupAnd if your parents are divorced,
punchlineI really don't fucking trust you, to be honest.