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Heath Cordes

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Watch Heath Cordes's Kill Tony episode 730 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 3 joke beats, 0.15 punch density, 0.33 tag density.

Career avg·2.40 bits/set·2.80 beats/set·0.42 punch density·0.82 tag density·5 sets

This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.15 punch density·0.33 tag density

[Bit 1]

I moved to Texas about two years ago, and before I moved here,

I was living with my grandma, and I like to live with my grandma

grandma a whole lot, but I had to move out.

It was time.

I had to move out.

Because me and grandma, we would fight.

Me and grandma, we would tussle.

Like she was a baker.

She liked to bake cookies and cake and brownies and

everything that was good.

And I liked it a whole lot.

And I would eat it up too fast.

And she would tell me how it pissed her off.

And she would say, stop doing that.

It pisses me off.

And I tried.

I tried to control myself, but I didn't have any self-control.

And she knew that.

She knew I didn't have self-control,

but she still made the sweets.

She was like a pimp feeding crack to her bitch.

I'd have to beg for cookies.

I'd beg.

I'd say, please.

Please.

She'd say, shut up.

[Bit 2]

-No, I didn't do that. I didn't --

It's just a joke.

She's a homophobe. I didn't suck her penis.

She's a -- [ Laughter ]

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

analogy

Lines

setupI moved to Texas about two years ago, and before I moved here,

setupI was living with my grandma, and I like to live with my grandma

setupgrandma a whole lot, but I had to move out.

setupI had to move out.

setupBecause me and grandma, we would fight.

setupMe and grandma, we would tussle.

setupLike she was a baker.

setupShe liked to bake cookies and cake and brownies and

setupeverything that was good.

setupAnd I liked it a whole lot.

setupAnd I would eat it up too fast.

setupAnd she would tell me how it pissed her off.

setupAnd she would say, stop doing that.

setupIt pisses me off.

setupAnd I tried.

setupI tried to control myself, but I didn't have any self-control.

setupAnd she knew that.

setupShe knew I didn't have self-control,

setupbut she still made the sweets.

punchlineShe was like a pimp feeding crack to her bitch.