William Montgomery

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Career avg·4.13 bits/set·4.51 beats/set·0.61 punch density·0.57 tag density·101 sets

This set·4 bits·4 beats·0.36 punch density·0.25 tag density

Watch William Montgomery’s set

Skips to 1:59:12 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I met a guy at the airport who told me

he used to do comedy and I said,

"Oh, are you pretty good?"

And he said, "Yeah, I almost went viral."

Wait, how do you almost go viral?

That's like me saying I almost got AIDS.

[Bit 2]

Pro tip, when you get off a plane

and walk out of the gate and the people are staring at you

waiting to get on, say loudly into your phone,

"I've never seen so many spiders on a plane in my life!"

[Bit 3]

A Princeton grad student has been released from Iraq

after 900 days in captivity.

Damn, how long was that thesis?

[Bit 4]

Growing up, I was told I should be a doctor

because my handwriting was so bad.

and signing settlement checks to harass nurses.

I was like a motherfucking nasty dookie-hee-hauser.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“Almost going viral is like almost getting AIDS because both mean nothing happened.”

Joke Type

analogy

Lines

setupI met a guy at the airport who told me

setuphe used to do comedy and I said,

setup"Oh, are you pretty good?"

setupAnd he said, "Yeah, I almost went viral."

setupWait, how do you almost go viral?

punchlineThat's like me saying I almost got AIDS.