2025-02-15

Set 16 · Episode 706

Ari Matti

RegularManWhiteSmall Joke Book

Career avg·2.08 bits/set·4.28 beats/set·0.56 punch density·1.00 tag density·25 sets

This set·4 bits·4 beats·0.65 punch density·2.25 tag density

Watch Ari Matti’s set

Skips to 2:51:09 in the episode

[Bit 1]

Check this shit out, huh? You like this?

I was in front of the mirror today and I was practicing my kicks.

Don't you guys think it kind of looks like I'm a Nazi who's got his hands full?

But he sees Hitler walking, he's like, "Ah!"

[Bit 2]

I've always been flexible.

And when you're flexible as a guy,

the number one question you get is, can you suck your own dick?

Now, we've all tried.

Every guy here, even before you could read, you were like,

infinite energy, a self-sustaining unit.

And I gotta tell you, I'm pretty close. I can...

I can like tongue the tip.

I can like clean myself off, you know.

Get some of that cheese.

[Bit 3]

Oh yeah, I've tasted my own cum. Fuck you, it's delicious.

I love when women are like, "Cum is disgusting."

You bitches do know that what you have down there ain't no crÃ¨me brÃ»lÃ©e either.

At least my shit has protein and the future.

Come, it's disgusting.

It's a pretty pretentious thing to say when I have a mouthful of piss, huh?

[Bit 4]

I was telling my friend John that I'm pretty close.

And my friend John literally looks me in the eyes and he goes, "Arie, that's because you're

doing it wrong.

The way you're supposed to do it is you go on your back and you throw your legs over

your head and now you let gravity like a fucking oil rig and I was like John I'm

not gonna do that because what if my fucking roommate walks in at least with

this when he walks in I get to be like lol tried it yeah but if you walk in

and I'm full Richard Simmons getting physics involved.

That's at least a conversation.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“A high kick could be a Nazi with full hands.”

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setupCheck this shit out, huh? You like this?

setupI was in front of the mirror today and I was practicing my kicks.

punchlineDon't you guys think it kind of looks like I'm a Nazi who's got his hands full?

tagBut he sees Hitler walking, he's like, "Ah!"