2025-02-15

Set 5 · Episode 706

Uncle Lazer

SpecialManWhite

Career avg·2.81 bits/set·4.31 beats/set·0.41 punch density·0.81 tag density·16 sets

This set·4 bits·5 beats·0.60 punch density·1.00 tag density

Watch Uncle Lazer’s set

Skips to 55:53 in the episode

[Bit 1]

I had a woman from Tallahassee, Florida,

slide into my DMs, said, "Hey, shut the fuck up."

Said, "Got a plane ticket with your name on it."

He come down to Tallahassee, Florida,

blow my back out and rearrange my guts.

I said, "Happy to Easter to you too.

How you doing today?

He has risen, you know, right?"

[Bit 2]

She said, "But before I get you a plane ticket,

I'm gonna need to see a picture of that hog."

Fun fact, I ain't got no hog.

I got what they call field mouse dick.

You ever been hit by a sewing machine needle?

[Bit 3]

Look, here's the thing about sending wiener picks.

Don't do it, okay?

All right?

Listen, look, I love my wiener.

I put it everywhere.

Hot tub jets, electrical sockets, okay?

I once took a shop vac and sucked all the foreskin off of it, you know.

I haven't been to a water park since.

[Bit 4]

She said, "Look, I ain't gonna be able to get you that plane ticket no more.

I'll get you a Greyhound bus ticket."

And I said, "Listen here, bitch.

My mama raised me on that Reba McIntire and I might have been born just a plane white

trash, but fancy was my motherfucking name.

I ain't getting on no goddamn Greyhound bus.

You hear me, bitch?

So a couple days later we worked something out where if my mom would drop me off, her

mom would bring me back, you know?

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Beat Premise

“An explicit Easter hookup invite implies romance, but reveals resurrection wordplay.”

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI had a woman from Tallahassee, Florida,

setupslide into my DMs, said, "Hey, shut the fuck up."

setupSaid, "Got a plane ticket with your name on it."

setupHe come down to Tallahassee, Florida,

setupblow my back out and rearrange my guts.

punchlineI said, "Happy to Easter to you too.

tagHow you doing today?

tagHe has risen, you know, right?"