Michael Lehrer

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Watch Michael Lehrer's Kill Tony episode 515 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 5 bits, 6 joke beats, 0.42 punch density, 0.33 tag density.

Career avg·6.18 bits/set·7.08 beats/set·0.55 punch density·0.45 tag density·38 sets

This set·5 bits·6 beats·0.42 punch density·0.33 tag density

[Bit 1]

Oh hell yeah. Yeah. Hey yo, I'm going to the Paralympics. I'm not competing. I'm just gonna hang out at Paralympic Village and scoop up all the pussy that deaf guys don't get.

[Bit 2]

Be deaf should not qualify you for the Paralympics.

It's not a disability enough.

Having the gout is a worse disability than being deaf.

Oh yeah, this is gout country for sure.

A lot of me, man, you're all hobbling to the bathroom like on broken eyes, and you know what I mean.

But like, being deaf, that's not the disability.

You know, a lot of people, they're like, "Michael, you have such an amazing story to tell,

but it's like Chinese water torture hearing you say.

Have you ever considered writing some shit down once in a while?

[Bit 3]

But that's all right, 'cause my disease

has brought me back to my youth.

And what I mean is, my hands don't work

from masturbating anymore.

So I'm back to fucking the couch cushions.

[Bit 4]

But you know what?

When you get this sick,

you find out what really is important.

And honey, let me tell you,

it ain't friends and family.

- Yeah.

It's winning.

[Bit 5]

One thing that is important

is that every motherfucking comedian in the bucket

sending in those hog pens in the back

knows that on my worst day,

they couldn't hold my motherfucking duck.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

punchlineOh hell yeah. Yeah. Hey yo, I'm going to the Paralympics. I'm not competing. I'm just gonna hang out at Paralympic Village and scoop up all the pussy that deaf guys don't get.