[Bit 1]
I learned something about myself recently.
I shouldn't be allowed to go to weddings.
That's not a good thing for me.
[Bit 2]
I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend,
and I cussed out the maid of honor.
Uh, she was a bitch. She deserved it, though.
'Cause like, listen, understand something.
My cousin's wedding, all the groomsmen were my cousins
and my friends I knew my whole life, right?
And I didn't get to hang out with them the whole time.
I wasn't really in the wedding.
So when we started eating and stuff like that,
I went to go talk to my cousins who was sitting at the
groomsmen and the bronze maze table, right?
And the maid of honor called me over and she was like,
"Hey, can you come here real quick?
We're all over here eating and you kind of bothering us.
So can you come back later?"
And then I was very confused.
So I said respectfully, get the fuck out my face, right?
And then a fat bitch came out.
It's always a fat bitch around somewhere.
[Bit 3]
She came out and she was like, hey, who the fuck even is he?
And I went, bitch, Google me, right?
The coolest shit I've ever said in my life, dog.
And then I walked outside.
[Bit 4]
But I had to make sure I was Googleable first, right?
So then I Googled myself, and it came up.
I was cool, but I scrolled a little bit.
And then it said, "Camp Patterson,
the worst comedian of all time."
Bitch, don't Google me, ho.
[Bit 5]
And then, later that night, I found out
that it was kind of mad at me,
'cause I may or may not have said,
"I slap the fuck out you bitch."
And listen, hear me out, understand something.
I never said nothing like that.
But if I did, I fucking meant it.
Oh, I been camping out there, thank God so much.
