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Danny Martinello

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Watch Danny Martinello's Kill Tony episode 691 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 1 bit, 6 joke beats, 0.48 punch density, 0.83 tag density.

Career avg·1.67 bits/set·4.67 beats/set·0.38 punch density·1.12 tag density·3 sets

This set·1 bit·6 beats·0.48 punch density·0.83 tag density

[Bit 1]

-I recently took a first-aid course,

and I think I'm ready for my hero moment now.

We're like, "If I go out and about,

and I see someone choking, and they're like,

"Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh."

Then they drop, I go to them and say,

"Hey, my name's Danny, I know CPR, can I help you?"

But they don't give me consent,

but no consent in the CPR world is consent.

So I jump into action,

some girl's like, "Yo, that's not it."

I say, "Keep your trauma to yourself,

I'm trying to save a life here."

Then I jump in and I go, "You call 911,

you grab an AED, are you coming back?

Do you understand me?"

I just have to hope they know English.

Guy squirms away, Pablo know English, AED.

And then I just start jumping, seated in compression, right?

Just, "Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive," right?

And then I don't even care.

I'll grow a mustache.

I don't need a mouth barrier, right?

And then all of a sudden, a guy comes out and goes,

"Yo, dude, his mouth's over there."

And I'm like, "You shut the fuck up!

Stay with me! Stay with me!"

Right? Paramedics show up, and I'm like,

"Oh, thank God you're here, dude. Fuck. Holy shit.

Oh, shit, yeah. No, I think it's a cerebral fluid.

Something's coming out of his mouth, man, for sure.

No, it's milky. Yeah, that's fucking spine.

That's spine.

That's it, dude.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

double-meaning

Lines

setup-I recently took a first-aid course,

setupand I think I'm ready for my hero moment now.

setupWe're like, "If I go out and about,

setupand I see someone choking, and they're like,

setupThen they drop, I go to them and say,

setup"Hey, my name's Danny, I know CPR, can I help you?"

setupBut they don't give me consent,

punchlinebut no consent in the CPR world is consent.

tagSo I jump into action,