[Bit 1]
Vanderbilt had a female kicker in football this year.
Texas A&M responded by saying female kickers. What's next female cheerleaders?
The Texas fans in here I guess I
[Bit 2]
Wish the opioid crisis would end so my girlfriend and I can start doing them again
[Bit 3]
You want big dick energy reelect Nixon
Richard Nixon is so sexy, Frost couldn't cool him off. No history people, that's a
hell of a joke for people that know history. G Gordon Liddy broke into the
Watergate Hotel but he couldn't break into show business so you tell me how
life isn't fair. For Christmas this year I'm going as Santa Claus.
Man, these jokes aren't working.
Can I do my other, my two last Santa jokes? Yeah, absolutely. Go right ahead.
[Bit 4]
If I was a millionaire and I could live wherever I wanted, I'd probably live at the North Pole with Santa Claus.
Say what you will about Santa Claus, but he's not Muslim.
Okay, that's a... There you go. William Montgomery starting tonight's show.
So nice to be here. You're in front of a live audience William. How does that make you feel? It has been a Koons age.
Wait what exactly what length of time is that? It's a figure of speech. It's like three weeks. Who says what three weeks?
Who says that? The Koons age is three weeks. Who told you that? Where'd you learn that from? He's from the south.
South. It's three weeks, I think. But it's been way longer than three weeks. I haven't
seen this many people in the crowd. It's been a coons age.
Okay. I would stop saying that if I was you. William, so it's been a while since we've
seen you. Welcome to Austin. It has. How was your trip to Austin?
Man, I thought I was having a heart attack in the airplane.
Why? I got really sweaty and dizzy.
