Eli Halpern

Bucket Pull

Watch Eli Halpern's Kill Tony episode 487 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 5 bits, 8 joke beats, 1.63 punch density, 0.63 tag density.

Career avg·5.00 bits/set·8.00 beats/set·1.63 punch density·0.63 tag density·1 set

This set·5 bits·8 beats·1.63 punch density·0.63 tag density

Hello, that's not my real name.

[Bit 1]

I'm so Jewish that I grew a mullet so I don't have to pay for haircuts every couple of weeks.

[Bit 2]

I'm so Jewish I'm being a Christian because the Bible's free.

[Bit 3]

I got a dog, his name's Pablo Escobarque.

He's a service animal.

His service is finding loopholes in federal regulations and exploiting them.

And he's really fucking good at it.

I don't want to impress girls by telling me he's a rescue, so I beat the shit out of him every night.

I'm just kidding.

I used to live in Los Angeles, and when I'd go on walks with him, people would try to start conversations with me, which I hated, so I'd try to freak him out.

They'd be like, "Oh, is that a boy or a girl?"

I'd be like, "Oh, he's transgendered."

And since I lived in L.A., they'd be like, "Oh, no way! My cousin's cat is transgendered!"

And I'd be like, "God damn, I need to get the fuck out of this city."

And I did and I'm here and it's great.

[Bit 4]

I met a girl on an online dating app

for abusive relationships, it's called E-Harmy.

[Bit 5]

And she's Christian and into bondage,

so when we have sex she likes to nail me to a cross

and fuck me.

- There you go, that's the end of his set.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

hyperbole

Lines

punchlineI'm so Jewish that I grew a mullet so I don't have to pay for haircuts every couple of weeks.