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Kill Tony #178 (Michael Kosta, Josh Martin)

2017-08-12

Mike Diaz

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Watch Mike Diaz's Kill Tony episode 178 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 3 joke beats, 0.09 punch density, 0.33 tag density.

Career avg·1.80 bits/set·2.60 beats/set·0.20 punch density·0.33 tag density·5 sets

This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.09 punch density·0.33 tag density

[Bit 1]

- Vegans are trying to take shit that isn't theirs again.

One of my favorite chains, In-N-Out,

is under scrutiny right now.

10,000 signatures, everyone.

10,000 signatures to add a vegetarian option.

Now, that's not what In-N-Out's about.

If you read carefully at the slogan,

In-N-Out is about hamburgers.

If you want vegan options, I don't know.

You can eat fucking Tom's shoes, those are vegan.

I don't know if you know that stuff.

Oh, I don't have anything else, sorry.

What?

That's it.

It was 29 seconds.

You got something else.

You can't get around.

Okay, okay, okay.

Come on, here we go.

Come on.

All right.

[Bit 2]

I have a lot of roommates,

so I only jerk off in the shower.

Things that suck about jerking off in the shower, obviously.

If you don't bring your phone in, you're in there.

Are you trying to work for memory?

Me, I haven't got laid in a while.

I'm thinking of past hookups.

Only problem is those when I was younger,

so then I have to fight the battle of

if I think that's statutory or not, thinking about it.

And then after I'm done with that moral struggle, after I'm finished, the water shoots back

in.

I don't know if you know semen when it gets on something and water goes on it.

Keep going.

It sticks to it.

Go on.

When semen and water collide, it kind of gets this sticky booger consistency.

So you're trying to wipe it off and you're really trying to fight that.

You kind of get on it and then you don't realize that it's still on your hand when you're trying

to style your hair.

It's a little on your forehead.

There you go.

All right.

Keep going.

I'm going to come.

Keep going.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setup- Vegans are trying to take shit that isn't theirs again.

setupOne of my favorite chains, In-N-Out,

setupis under scrutiny right now.

setup10,000 signatures, everyone.

setup10,000 signatures to add a vegetarian option.

setupNow, that's not what In-N-Out's about.

setupIf you read carefully at the slogan,

setupIn-N-Out is about hamburgers.

setupIf you want vegan options, I don't know.

punchlineYou can eat fucking Tom's shoes, those are vegan.

tagI don't know if you know that stuff.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setup- Vegans are trying to take shit that isn't theirs again.

setupOne of my favorite chains, In-N-Out,

setupis under scrutiny right now.

setup10,000 signatures, everyone.

setup10,000 signatures to add a vegetarian option.

setupNow, that's not what In-N-Out's about.

setupIf you read carefully at the slogan,

setupIn-N-Out is about hamburgers.

setupIf you want vegan options, I don't know.

punchlineYou can eat fucking Tom's shoes, those are vegan.

tagI don't know if you know that stuff.

Every joke is broken into beats — each with a setup, punchline, and any tags — and assigned one of 10 structural types: misdirect, reframe, phonetic-match, double-meaning, contradiction, analogy, hyperbole, elephant-in-the-room, anti-humor, and absurdism. How to Annotate Jokes →