My name is Timmy No-Break,
[Bit 1]
and welcome to Timmy Ass.
I won't let people say the N word or play the fucking guitar.
[Bit 2]
On my neck is a shock collar.
And in my hand is the remote.
If you press this orange button, it will shock me.
Now, if I bomb, one of you guys will get to shock me.
I won't bomb 'cause I don't bomb.
But this, this is the bomb shot collar.
This is fucking terrible.
Now, because this is a dog collar,
I will give it to this lesbian bitch.
Start the timer, Red Ben.
[Bit 3]
Did you guys see during the Olympics
how that girl, Lindsey Vonn broke up?
What the fuck are you doing, you dumb whore?
I'm in the set up, wait for the punch, fuck.
- Tom, this is an uninterrupted--
- I know. - Shut the fuck up.
- Take it from the top, here we go.
Did you guys shut the fuck up Matt? I'm trying to do the minute it doesn't even sound like the fucking thing
I'm about to say the n-word if you do it again. I'm gonna fucking freak out
Okay start the timer now red band here we go did you guys see
The Olympics, that scare, Lindsey Vonn broke a leg, you know?
You know where that wouldn't have happened?
The kitchen, boom, fuck you.
What the fuck are you doing? I did that.
I'm gonna be honest, I love the women's Olympics.
I think every woman's sport should only be televised once every four years.
What the fuck, you fucking bitch?
Guys, everybody, give it up for the woman's hockey team.
Yeah, finally, a positive video
featuring white woman and ice.
I don't. I really don't. I'm serious.
Yeah, I mean, it's lame that they can't dunk, you know?
It's just a bunch of twos and threes.
They're ugly. Bull-- fuck!
Okay, relax. You got to fucking relax a little bit.
[Bit 4]
Wow. Does this guy have a dick on his forehead?
These are getting big pops.
Is she really hitting it?
Why are you hitting it so much?
[Bit 5]
This lady's having the time of her life.
She has waited what appears to be 45 years
to have this kind of control over a man.
We need to get--we may have solved how to fix
every blue-haired woman in America.
- Ha! - Give them one day
the man in a shock collar.
Unlimited power. - Who is this guy?
No, I'm serious. Who the fuck--
Tim, but who the fuck is this guy?
You don't know who you are?
You mean you're just paying jackass homage? I don't understand.
Hold it down. That thing's not working.
We need to turn it up. Is there a dial on that?
Is that what he taped over?
[Bit 6]
My name is Timmy No Brakes, and this is the copyright infringement.
The band will play Limp Bizkit's Nookie and this entire episode will be demonetized.
There's tape on the side of the tank!
Oh, hold on, it goes up to 15.
- Oh, how did you do this, you stupid bitch?
You fucking cunt, why'd you do this?
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I'll give it, I'll give it to the guy you don't know.
He won't do anything wrong at all.
- Okay, all right, okay, all right.
Everybody, everybody fucking relax.
Okay, everybody fucking relax.
Let me just do my next segment, all right?
I'm not fucking eye control anymore.
This was never supposed to go past six.
My name's Timmy No-- I'm so scared right now.
[Bit 7]
Hi, my name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is the taste test.
-Inside of that cup is three real, actual,
fluid ounces of horse cum from a man.
There's a horse pubic hair.
Okay, I got one backup. I got one more.
Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
[Bit 8]
I'm going after this show.
We're gonna go to Mitzi's bar,
and I'm gonna punch you in the dick so hard
that it falls off and none of the gay guys
are gonna be able to suck it anymore.
That's what's gonna happen.
Okay. It's fine. It's fine.
[Bit 9]
My name is Timmy No-Breaks, and this is trivia for retards.
If you get the question wrong,
and these are fifth grade level questions,
you have to take a sip of Tones tap water.
Tone, you have to continue to not drink the horse cum
if you get it wrong. - Okay.
- But we're gonna up the stakes.
Give it up for Heidi, everybody.
There's no way Tone is going to be able to resist that horse cum now.
I know he's gonna reach over and do it.
First, shut the fuck up Tone. I'm moving on to the questions, okay?
Steve-O, let's start with you.
Tone's tap water was created by A, Tone Hinge Cliff,
B, Tone the Tiger, or C, Liquid Death.
You do not have to drink that water.
Um, next question is for you, Tim.
In a 2025 double-blind peer-reviewed study
conducted by independent researchers,
what was found in Tohms tap water?
Was it A, mercury, B, lead, C, arsenic,
B, Teflon, E, Zyklon B, F, zyrtec, G, MSG,
H, bluechew, I, horse cum, or J, all the above?
-J, all of the above. -Nailed it.
And you didn't have to drink that fucking piece of shit.
Where is Tones tap water sourced?
Is it A, Flint, Michigan, or...
-All of the above. -You don't have to drink
don't have to drink Tone's tap water. Last question, Tone. This is for you. Who flew
on Epstein's private jet eight times? Was it A) Barack Obama, B) George Bush, or C)
Donald Trump? I have to buzz in for the answer. Okay, all right. This, I'm gonna leave right here, and I'm
I'm leaving right now. Fuck you. Fuck...
