Watch Todd Royce’s set

Skips to 1:19:14 in the episode

Having trouble with the embed? Open on YouTube at 1:19:14

KT #689 HARLAND WILLIAMS + DR. PHIL (ADAM RAY)

2024-10-29

Todd Royce

Golden TicketManWhite

Watch Todd Royce's Kill Tony episode 689 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 3 bits, 4 joke beats, 0.33 punch density, 1.00 tag density.

Career avg·2.86 bits/set·4.43 beats/set·0.36 punch density·0.71 tag density·7 sets

This set·3 bits·4 beats·0.33 punch density·1.00 tag density

[Bit 1]

- I have a dog.

I have a dog, not a dog, a Shih Tzu Poodle.

I don't think if you, that's not a dog.

Shih Tzu Poodles to me are like K-pop bands.

Like they're adorable, but if I hit one with my car,

I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.

They all have these cute little names.

People call them shootles.

I call this one a ship-poo,

especially 'cause she's gotten old

and she's lost complete control of her bowels.

Ship-poo's actually what we call grandma near the end.

It's a joke, we never called grandma near the end.

She didn't have any money, why waste our time?

[Bit 2]

We, I wanna get a pit bull.

I love pit bulls.

A lot of people think pit bulls are a violent dog.

I think that's bullshit, it's all in the training.

I can train my dog to be an attack dog, it'd be perfect

'cause no one's gonna admit to being attacked by a shootle.

[Bit 3]

But still, if you look online at adopting a pit bull,

there's all this stuff about how to defend yourself

if one attacks you.

And they say the best way to defend yourself

if a pit bull attacks you is to take your thumb

and shove it up the dog's ass.

They say that's the best way to defend yourself if a pit bull,

I say that's the best way to defend yourself

if anybody attacks you.

Try that the next time you're getting mugged.

It works on pit bulls and Puerto Ricans.

Thank you guys.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

analogy

Lines

setup- I have a dog.

setupI have a dog, not a dog, a Shih Tzu Poodle.

setupI don't think if you, that's not a dog.

setupShih Tzu Poodles to me are like K-pop bands.

setupLike they're adorable, but if I hit one with my car,

punchlineI'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.