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2025-05-20

Ian Simon

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Watch Ian Simon's Kill Tony episode 719 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 4 bits, 6 joke beats, 0.76 punch density, 1.17 tag density.

Career avg·4.00 bits/set·5.00 beats/set·0.51 punch density·0.83 tag density·2 sets

This set·4 bits·6 beats·0.76 punch density·1.17 tag density

How you guys doing?

Everybody good?

Fantastic.

Oh, this is fucking amazing.

[Bit 1]

I got to take a piss so bad.

I just forgot to share it with you guys.

Didn't have time.

[Bit 2]

So I was thinking, do you think Muslims

Ever-- do you think Muslims ever say Allah is the bomb?

I was thinking about random shit all the damn time.

[Bit 3]

I was thinking, like, the best place to pick up women

is probably Planned Parenthood.

Because you know there's a good chance they put out.

And if things don't go well--

Just a suggestion.

Let's see.

[Bit 4]

You know what fucking sucks?

I've been wearing hats my whole life, OK?

because I didn't want this cul-de-sac fucking thing.

I don't mind it going bald,

but why isn't it just all bald, okay?

Why the fuck is, it just doesn't make any sense

to get the cul-de-sac, and then what is this?

Anybody else bald out there?

Don't lie to me, there's lights, I can see you.

It gleams.

Anyway, this thing, this fucking island,

why is there a fucking island?

Oh.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setupI got to take a piss so bad.

punchlineI just forgot to share it with you guys.

tagDidn't have time.