Dan Nolan

Bucket PullManWhite

Watch Dan Nolan's Kill Tony episode 176 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 3 joke beats, 0.21 punch density, 0.33 tag density.

Career avg·3.75 bits/set·4.25 beats/set·0.50 punch density·0.98 tag density·8 sets

This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.21 punch density·0.33 tag density

[Bit 1]

I just celebrated 18 months clean and sober.

Sorry, Saturdays are still my cheat day.

So it's not a big deal.

[Bit 2]

It's a shop left a lot for heroin money.

My favorite thing to steal was Rosetta Stone language software.

If you don't know what that is, it's like $400 language learning software.

They got a target.

All you got to do is you just take it, and when you're walking out, if the alarm goes off,

Just be white. You just be a white guy.

And you just turn around and go, "What did I do?"

And they're like, "Don't worry about it, buddy."

I used to sell it on eBay.

And then eBay actually shut my account down.

Apparently, you're not allowed to do that.

So I had to start selling it on Craigslist instead.

This is true. I literally had to start meeting dudes

in sketchy parking lots

just to sell them Rosetta Stone language software.

They'd be like, "You said it was gonna be Italian, man."

I'm like, "Nah, come on, baby.

I told you Portuguese, baby. Shit."

fuck you gon' get Italian at two o'clock in the morning baby it's all the same shit

alright thanks

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI just celebrated 18 months clean and sober.

punchlineSorry, Saturdays are still my cheat day.

tagSo it's not a big deal.