Big pop in the beginning.
A lot of people have been saying, "Timmy, no jokes this.
to me no jokes that I know.
so I wrote a few jokes for you guys.
[Bit 1]
I have a lot of nervous energy,
but stand-up has given me a lot of confidence.
Because sometimes, after I get off stage,
people come up to me and say, "Great set."
And that makes me feel good,
because they're just bee cups.
Oh, take notes, you fucking dumbass retards.
It's pretty fucking easy.
[Bit 2]
Sam Jay, ladies and gentlemen.
which means she doesn't eat pussy.
She all hell nudge on it.
- Timmy, motherfucking no breaks.
- That, I recognize some of that material.
- Well yeah, Tony, it was a cover.
I mean, what are you talking about?
I'm not just a comedian, so it's totally normal to do covers.
The number one comedy album on iTunes?
Number one comedy album on iTunes,
but if you have an iPod shuffle, you're probably
bumping that shit all the time.
Make some noise for my fucking album, you retard.
The only person that we should actually buckle up for.
I totally agree. I totally agree with that. Thank you.
Oh, look at this guy. Is this Dr. Phil?
[Bit 3]
What's good to see you too? What kind of doctor are you?
That's a personal question, but if you follow me on Facebook,
I'll give you a couple of responses that might direct you towards what I have a...
You know, I haven't been practicing for quite some time, Timmy.
But originally it was psychotherapy and then just social work stuff.
Just kind of a lot of parenting.
Oh, so you're not a gynecologist?
You're fucking gay! You're gay!
That shit got way bigger pop. What the fuck is going on? I call him gay!
I have seen a couple of vaginas.
Your wife's, right? You show your wife's for a job?
-My wife and, you know, every 4th of July,
we try to spice things up.
She brings a friend over.
Usually somebody I follow on "Only Fans."
-Anyways, what else is going on, Tom?
-I was just gonna say a little fun fact
for "You Kill Tony," "Die Hard" fans out there.
This is the first time in which Timmy No-Breaks
and Dr. Phil or any form of Dr. Phil
have ever been on the same show at the same time.
This is quite the eclipse. -Very good at it.
-Yeah. -It's like the traveling
traveling wheelberries or something like that,
two all-time greats, all of a sudden,
wait a second, what is that?
- What are you talking, I mean, it grills.
- You have a grill now, too?
- Yeah, I'm making money, I'm doing good.
I got a fucking entourage now, it's pretty good.
- Yeah, guys, come on out.
- I got a fucking entourage.
- Yeah, give it up for my fucking entourage, everybody.
- Give it up for my fucking entourage.
This is, but thank he, he's my weed roller.
This is, let's, let's, let's sweep wall.
He yells at waiters for me.
I don't know who the fuck that guy is, but.
- That means Johnny Drama.
Everyone's black except for that one--
What are you fucking talking about?
- What does he do, teach English in Atlanta?
I don't know what that was.
- Well anyways, we wanted to do a quick rap
- I want you guys to hold on from the music,
but I'm just gonna start with a little bit of a cappella.
Ok, a cappella, Timmy No-Breaks, who is obviously black now.
He brought his own microphone. Is that...
And Tone is really, really...
-Migger! -Whoa, what the fuck?
What the fuck was that? Get the fuck out of here.
You're fired. Get the fuck out of here, guys.
Tom, sorry. That's crazy.
You never could say the N-word, Tom.
But... Jesus Christ, that was intense.
-I thought that was hilarious.
-Well, now I don't have an entourage.
I need a fucking entourage.
Who wants to be a part of my entourage?
This guy, that black guy right there.
All right, I'm coming over there.
Sorry, Tone, I gotta head over there.
Hey, John Deese, play the keys.
There's no black guy over there.
Take a little piece, John.
This guy is not fucking black.
I can't see shit, everybody looks fucking black, all right?
Look, do you still want to be in my entourage?
Okay, let's see if you can think on your feet.
Do you think we should defend the police?
Let's get the camera to come in here and focus on his face.
And for the crowd work clip, I want you to say yes.
Please man, can you stand right here?
♪ Now, do you think we should depend on the police? ♪
[Bit 4]
Can you sing them as Miranda writes?
I'd have to read it off a card
'cause I didn't go to college.
You can be in my own garage.
Shoot this guy in the fucking face
Who wants to be in my entourage?
Do you think ice should have shot those people?
You can't be in my entourage
You can't be in my entourage
By the way, if you don't want me to interact with you
Lay down on the ground, face down
Okay, this guy's a fair shot
Let me ask you a question
[Bit 5]
Do you know how to read?
This guy, this guy knows how to read.
Timmy, stand on the other side of him so that it's framed properly.
Push in, get on his face.
Thanks for the suggestion, Tom.
No, seriously. I have a gun.
I was able to sneak it in because I 3-D printed it.
-♪ I found that person from my entourage ♪
♪ There's guys in my entourage ♪
♪ Now, the only way that we could possibly wrap up a show ♪
♪ And the only person that can sing a song ♪
♪ With Timmy No-Bricks is Redbit, just fucking kidding ♪
I wanna be in your entourage
I'll take you to the airport
I'll even wipe your butt after you poo
Well, you're not a gynecologist
But if it's between you and this old newspaper play
I choose you, I choose you
You choose me, I choose you
I'm in your arms, I'm in your arms
I'm in your arms, I'm in your arms
♪ You're up in the front ♪
♪ Timmy, you're up in the sky ♪
