setupHey, I don't know if you guys ever adopted a dog.
setupThey always show the back story of these dogs
setupyou adopt from the shelters.
setupThey always tell you about the fucking origin stories.
setupThey're always like, you know, he was beaten every day.
setupUh, he was left for dead on the side of the road,
setupand then somebody found him and kicked the shit out of him
setupevery day for the last three years.
setupPlease adopt sparks.
setupHere's my question.
setupHow do they know that?
setupWho's dropping off the dog?
punchlineA girl like, "Hey, I just don't have time to beat the shit out of this dog anymore."
tagI did beat the shit out of him every single fucking day.
tagI mean, but my fists are so fucking bruised up from punching this dog in her fucking bitch face.
tagI just can't do it anymore.
tagSo I'm hoping you guys find some other home for this dog to get the shit beat out of him.
setupAnd they're like, "We're gonna find it a good home."
tagI'm like, "Well, that's not what I wanted at all.
tag"You do whatever you want.
tag"His name is Sparks and he's a bad fucking dog."
setupIt's never anything real.
setupIt's never like, "Oh, we had a kid and he was allergic, so."
tagYou know, take the dog.
setupThey were praying under sympathy, you know?
setupThey're always like,
tagWe spit in his eye every fucking Thursday.
setupSomeone held his eye open and it's fucking hot,
setupfucking one of those juicy fucking thick loogies
tagright into his fucking eye.
setupThe dog would whimper and that just made him spit
tageven harder.
tagPlease, would someone adopt Callie?
tagThis is a wonderful dog, someone should adopt it.
setupYou cannot have keys and children the same ruin
setuparound this dog.
tagHe will attack one of those two pigs.
tagBut he does need a good home.
setupI just wonder, it's never like, "I don't know, we found him on the road, he's a cute
tagdog."
tagHe knows how to sit already.
