Number one, let's hear it for Tony Henscliffe.
But, you know, and I know it's New Year's Eve.
I mean, I saw the Undertaker.
[Bit 1]
But the thing is this, Tony,
I shouldn't have even came up here tonight, I'll be honest, because,
you know, when you carry something, you know, Joe, when something's bothering
you and I know we're in an arena full of people, but if I don't get it off my
chest, it's really gonna bother me and I won't be able to do anything for you
because I'm getting ready for the show, right? And I tell her all the time, because
I follow a list. I put things like fingerless gloves I stole from Dick
Sporting Goods. Check. And I tell her, don't make any noise when I follow the
but she makes a noise and I come over and I tell her,
It gets a little more severe, I'm telling you the truth.
You know, I feel like an asshole, but I come over and I go,
"You know, shut the fuck up."
I mean, you understand, if somebody said that to you, you would understand her, right?
And I'm just going to out myself to this crowd because I'm just sick inside and I've been
sitting backstage for a while and I come over to her and with one hand, I'm just, I can't
And with one hand, I grab Alexa out of the fucking wall, this piece of shit, and I bash
her on the fucking ground, and now she's in fucking pieces.
You know, I got Alexa during the pandemic, and everything was beautiful back then.
I don't know, I'd come out of the room in the morning, I'd go, "Alexa, play Frank Sinatra
radio. Come fly with me. Let's fly. Let's fly away. Thank you.
Alexa, set the coffee timer for five minutes. Beep beep. Beep beep.
Alexa, what's the weather like outside? Oh, it's sunny with a few clouds in the sky.
And about eight months ago, it starts, right?
I come out, "Alexa, play Frank Sinatra radio."
She starts playing some fucking rock and roll shit.
"Alexa, set the coffee timer for five minutes."
Tell him in the shower, 20 minutes later,
and she starts, "Beep, beep, beep, beep,
hoping I slip and break my fucking hip."
Why didn't they come out with Anthony just for the guys?
I know that would have never been a problem.
Anthony, play Frank Sinatra radio.
Come fly with me. Let's fly. Let's fly away.
Anthony, set the coffee timer for five minutes.
Dice, you only got to tell me one fucking time.
I'm not fucking Alexa. Me and you with the same.
same go take your fucking shower and if you want to know the weather look out
the fucking window and here we are fucking New Year's Eve this is tonight
[Bit 2]
let me tell you this is one load at a time fellas everybody gets to shoot
their moose juice all over you tonight that's what it's all about and tonight
It's not just about a quick bang. It's about being a fucking mechanic.
Walk around the bed pal. Take a good look at her and what she's wearing. Be a mechanic. Move the tongue to the side.
Nice beefy clam chops between her legs.
You get on missionary. Why? Why would you get on missionary? Just to break a sweat.
Loosen the back muscles, the back of your legs, get on your toes, dig in a little.
Now when you break a sweat, you grab a biore ankle, pull it to the edge of the bed caddy
It's the best fucking workout in the world.
You're doing the screwdriver.
You're working your shoulders, your tries, your bice, each in cre--.
Now you're gonna do your fucking squats.
on to that fucking ankle, but on the third time down, your face goes right into the pink
lip lagoon. On the sixth time down, my friend, you miss the pink lip lagoon and your tongue
goes in a whole other area. And when your tongue goes in her asshole, by the way, the
asshole they used to hide from us with extra-long pussy hairs and today they
take it to the salon they get it bleached out, buffed out, put a little
studded fucking earring in there so when your tongue goes in there what does a
chick do they all look to the left they're all like did he do what I think
he just did. And then the show begins. Ass, putty, ass, putty, tick, tick, tick, ankle,
putty, putty, putty, ass, ass, like you're honking a horn, ass, ass. Then you pick up
the tempo, ass, putty, ass, putty, ass, putty, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
"Pu-du-pu-du-pu-du-pu-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du"
And I learned all of that from all of my mom's best fucking friends.
And that's where you are on New Year's Eve.
I just came out and I heard when you yelled that out.
But I don't know if these people would know the Mother Goose stuff.
So, you know, I'm not going to stand up here unless I really hear that you fucking know this.
[Bit 3]
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
eating a curd's and whey.
Long came a spidey sat down beside,
he said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?
Jack and Jill went up to hell
both with a buck and a quarter.
This chick was sucking my cock.
I dumped a bitch on the next block.
Oh mother hubby went to the cupboard to get her old dog a bone. She bent over
Rover took over. Oh, she got a bone of her own. You've been a great crowd
God bless. Happy fucking New Year's. I love you. Austin. Thank you Tony. I love you. Good night
