[Bit 1]
I just cut Daisy down she was trying to hang herself backstage.
Somebody go check on that bitch.
Ain't it great when women try to do men's shit?
Fuck raising a family you know being a member of the community.
pain you're laying bitch learn how to cook.
[Bit 2]
I'm not too happy with the panel.
Trump is gonna get this Australian.
He's the first fucking immigrant
that's gonna get the fuck out of the country.
Oh, did I hurt some of your feelings?
Playing all that silly love songs.
[Bit 3]
I was in a toxic relationship.
Why did it take you so long
to figure out you were in a toxic relationship?
Was it when he had his hands
wrapped around your fucking throat?
Guys know how to get rid of guys quick. We know when guys are dangerous. We get away from them real quick
What's wrong with you bitches?
What was it when he pushed you out of that slow moving fucking car near the lake
When he spilled his beer in your face in front of your parents
Kill yourself kill yourself
Tell all your friends, tell all your people you know, stop with the feelings.
We don't give a fuck about your feelings.
[Bit 4]
I hope everybody got what they wanted for Christmas.
You wanna decorate the tree
or cut somebody's fucking head off?
Yeah, some are laughing, some can't.
[Bit 5]
I didn't do too well, I got those gift cards again.
Give me the fucking cash, give me the cash!
What happens if I wanna buy a cock ring?
Am I gonna find that at Target?
Give me the fucking cash!
Here's a gift card, why don't you just shit in my hand?
Shit in my hand, shit in my hand!
What happens if I want to buy a fucking asshole extender?
Could you see me at Target trying to get an asshole expander?
Well, it looks like a reversed egg beater and it has keys on it and you crank it and
it makes your asshole larger.
Oh, who's not laughing at that?
[Bit 6]
I got a new year's resolutions too.
I'm not lifting up the fucking toilet seat when I piss.
I got a prostate problem.
I'm not going up and down with the fucking toilet seat.
Bitch turn around and see where that seat is.
And if there's piss on it, be a girl and wipe the fucking urine off.
If I hear you need to lift the seat once more, I'm going to rip the fucking seats out of
I told my mother, I'm taking the fucking toilet seats out of the house.
It's going to be like the Philippines.
[Bit 7]
My New Year's resolution, I'm not putting my shopping cart away.
You should be happy I'm shopping at this fucking store.
It's all you people care about is putting shopping carts away.
I put it right in the intersection of the parking lot.
And wait for the woman to just drive up and say, "And shit there."
[Bit 8]
They want to send women to the moon.
What are they going to do?
Get up there and complain?
Where are they going to find women to go to the moon?
They're all busy playing fucking soccer.
It's a brand new start, a clean slate.
[Bit 9]
Just be happy and not have any feelings.
We don't give a fuck about your feelings.
Feelings go up and down, feelings, you know,
feelings are like a fart.
Once you fart, you don't miss that fart.
Well, maybe I didn't explain that quite right.
I'm not used to playing a whole fucking town.
[Bit 10]
But it's a new, it's a brand new year.
I'm very optimistic about it.
I'm even more optimistic about remembering
what I was gonna say up here.
Hey, shut your motherfucking mouth.
Throw him out, throw that mother fucker down.
Kill Tony, kill him, kill him.
You probably voted for that fucking Harris bitch.
I hope Trump, Trump, Trump when he gets in office, he's going to kill everybody in the
country. You know what was his name? Grave Digger? The big guy. Yeah, I fucked him. Thank
Thank you ladies and gentlemen!
