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2025-01-21

Candace August

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Watch Candace August's Kill Tony episode 701 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 4 joke beats, 0.60 punch density, 2.00 tag density.

Career avg·1.33 bits/set·3.00 beats/set·0.49 punch density·1.94 tag density·3 sets

This set·2 bits·4 beats·0.60 punch density·2.00 tag density·Big Joke Book

-Hello, Austin! How you doing?

All right, let's get right into it.

[Bit 1]

I realize I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my health.

A hypocrite because when the COVID vaccine came out,

I was like, "Absolutely not.

There hasn't been enough research.

I refused to compromise my health.

Then when Ozimpic came out, I was like,

"Give me that shit right now. Give me that--"

Right now.

You can put it right here, Doc. Put it right--

You said 40 pounds in two months?

Both sides. Put it on both--

[Bit 2]

Lost a bit of weight, but not one single ounce

came off my thighs.

They didn't go anywhere.

Thank you so much.

They're real big, as you can see,

and they rub together when I walk.

So because of the friction,

they're very dark in the middle.

Super black right here.

Don't look away, Tony. Very black.

Super black in the middle.

Uh...

When I say black, y'all, these thighs

could have marched with Dr. King.

Just black as shit.

I was outside minding my business these thighs tried to bum a new port for me.

- My last one, this is my closer. It says,

"I was outside minding my business these thighs tried to bum a new port from a n***a."

This is...

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

contradiction

Lines

setupI realize I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my health.

setupA hypocrite because when the COVID vaccine came out,

setupI was like, "Absolutely not.

setupThere hasn't been enough research.

setupI refused to compromise my health.

setupThen when Ozimpic came out, I was like,

punchline"Give me that shit right now. Give me that--"

tagRight now.

tagYou can put it right here, Doc. Put it right--

tagYou said 40 pounds in two months?

tagBoth sides. Put it on both--