I just, you know, you think the blind guy's tripping over himself behind stage?
[Bit 1]
I just want to be on a Kill Tony where everybody's healthy.
Why does it always have to be some kind of ha- I like my friends to be healthy! That's all!
[Bit 2]
I never go anywhere without my baby oil.
Pete Diddy, you know, and in case you're,
in case you're traveling on the plane,
you always wanna have a small size.
Pete Diddy, I mean, do you have to fuck everyone?
We all have dildos in the house, but not 1300.
Your wife's sister comes over.
Can I put this dildo in your ass?
[Bit 3]
You know how hard it is to get your luggage back and the plane crash you survived?
I was in first class, everybody was killed, I want my fucking bag back!
It was a blue bag with a white stripe and I want my motherfucking bag bag.
I want my goddamn bag bag.
[Bit 4]
Why do women work out in the gym?
I want a girlfriend who can snap my neck.
Oh yeah, that's what I want.
I want a girlfriend who can snap my fucking neck.
Get the fuck out of the gym.
If you come back, I'm gonna rape ya.
I'm not gonna rape anybody, I don't even have a knife.
I notice it's killed Tony, so I have to make sure
I don't repeat myself or you'll never see me
Raise your hand if you handicap.
Do you have to keep parking in a handicapped spot?
Even when it's late at night?
[Bit 5]
No, I don't go to rich people's homes.
You don't go to rich people's homes.
I was at a party in the Hollywood Hills once
and they had a woman taking a poo
on the bottom of a glass coffee table.
I wanted to fit in so I got under there
and I found it quite rewarding.
There was a fat chick stealing heineken's
They tied it to a straight back chair and tortured her.
Everybody lined up and took turns telling her fat jokes.
Or one person thought that was funny.
Somebody who likes fat chicks, I get.
[Bit 6]
No, you've been a great audience, and I'm wearing this tonight because I got a job at Benny Hana.
