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KT #672 - DONALD TRUMP (SHANE GILLIS) + JOE BIDEN (ADAM RAY)

2024-07-16

Matt Sturm

Bucket Pull

Watch Matt Sturm's Kill Tony episode 672 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 3 bits, 7 joke beats, 0.55 punch density, 0.57 tag density.

Career avg·3.33 bits/set·4.67 beats/set·0.50 punch density·1.27 tag density·3 sets

This set·3 bits·7 beats·0.55 punch density·0.57 tag density

[Bit 1]

I'm not from Texas.

It's fucking hot here, all right?

I'm from Vermont. It's cold there.

When I first got here, I wasn't used to it.

You step outside, you feel like Arnold in Total Recall

when he's dying on Mars.

Just... [grunting]

You know? I'll have to fucking pole vault crack heads

and rattlesnakes just to go to Whole Foods.

I don't even get to shop at Whole Foods.

I just look in the window like a fucking hot food section pervert

looking at the mac and cheese just like, "Fuck.

Bring out the rotisserie chicken, you bitch. Fuck."

[Bit 2]

No, man, I'm too poor. I shop at Target.

It's weird, yeah. It's the only place you could get, like, a Spider-Man graphic tee

and, like, six pounds of brisket.

It's a weird-- it's a weird combo, yeah.

Yeah. Um, I've been coming different guys.

[Bit 3]

Guys, we usually come, like, three types of ways.

There's the pathetic way. That's the way I usually do.

When you're kind of like, "Ugh."

You know, they're kind of like, "I'm sorry. Ugh."

Like, that's a weird, you know, it's embarrassing, I don't know.

And then there's the other way.

For some reason, like, we do the opposite.

We turn into, like, Thanos from "The Avengers."

- You know what I'm saying? Like, dude, Thanos is not fuckable.

He's more like a rapist energy.

There's, like, a better purple thing to fuck.

You can fuck, like, Grimace or something.

Hell, yeah.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setupI'm not from Texas.

setupIt's fucking hot here, all right?

setupI'm from Vermont. It's cold there.

setupWhen I first got here, I wasn't used to it.

punchlineYou step outside, you feel like Arnold in Total Recall

tagwhen he's dying on Mars.