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2020-05-19

Michael Lehrer

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Watch Michael Lehrer's Kill Tony episode 455 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 7 bits, 7 joke beats, 0.69 punch density, 0.57 tag density.

Career avg·6.18 bits/set·7.08 beats/set·0.55 punch density·0.45 tag density·38 sets

This set·7 bits·7 beats·0.69 punch density·0.57 tag density

Hi. I'm Michael. I'm first the ads.

[Bit 1]

I want your customers to feel safe. Can't afford trained, qualified security. Fuck with

Securities, nation's number one provider of people who wear t-shirts that say security.

Our employees are the industry's best at one thing and one thing only.

Standing in place for a long period of time, we provide people and t-shirts.

Just tell us where to stand. Securities.

Great job. You know, during the plague, one of my favorite restaurants is still open.

[Bit 2]

is Jack Ruby's steakhouse,

all world traditional style Italian cuisine

from the man who killed the man who killed the president.

[Bit 3]

-His actions may have been ordered by Jimmy Hoffa,

but his dishes are all in a word --

"Ruby," "Mobster," "Assassin," "Fall Guy."

[Bit 4]

We may never know, but even the Warren Commission

can agree on this.

You'll never have better garlic mashed potatoes.

[Bit 5]

Zagat says, Zagroopy sounds like a stage name,

and these dishes are Ruby's stage,

as well as the police basement where he gunned down

Lee Harvey Oswald.

[Bit 6]

What did Oswald know?

Something about candy or the recipe

to this tremendous ragu?

We'll never know.

[Bit 7]

So judge for yourself.

Obstitors just like me and you, violent foodies,

so you know it's going to be a good sauce.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

reframe

Lines

setupI want your customers to feel safe. Can't afford trained, qualified security. Fuck with

punchlineSecurities, nation's number one provider of people who wear t-shirts that say security.

tagOur employees are the industry's best at one thing and one thing only.

tagStanding in place for a long period of time, we provide people and t-shirts.

tagJust tell us where to stand. Securities.