Melissa Esslinger

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Watch Melissa Esslinger's Kill Tony episode 144 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 1 bit, 4 joke beats, 0.89 punch density, 1.00 tag density.

Career avg·2.43 bits/set·2.94 beats/set·0.50 punch density·0.56 tag density·35 sets

This set·1 bit·4 beats·0.89 punch density·1.00 tag density

[Bit 1]

So I played baseball for 12 years and I was growing up. It was no offense to softball players, but I didn't want to be a cheerleader or a lesbian.

So, but actually I played because when I was eight years old, one of my coaches killed

himself and I told that fucker I wasn't going to be a quitter.

So I played for a long time.

Being the only girl playing baseball was cool.

When I would run out of the dugout, the coach would always slap their dude's butts and get

to me and just like awkwardly pat me on the head.

I was actually asked out while playing once, like during a game I was playing shortstop.

The guy was running on second base and he was like, "Hey girl, you want a boyfriend?"

I was like, "No."

He's like, "I'm packing."

We were like 12, so I don't know.

I was like, "We're packing what, a lunch?"

I don't know.

I thought packing something meant a gun.

I don't know.

You got it.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

punchlineSo I played baseball for 12 years and I was growing up. It was no offense to softball players, but I didn't want to be a cheerleader or a lesbian.