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2025-03-25

Daniel Velasquez

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Watch Daniel Velasquez's Kill Tony episode 712 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 2 bits, 3 joke beats, 0.16 punch density, 0.00 tag density.

Career avg·2.00 bits/set·3.00 beats/set·0.16 punch density·0.00 tag density·1 set

This set·2 bits·3 beats·0.16 punch density·0.00 tag density

[Bit 1]

-Hey, I started stand-up a few years ago

after my mom passed away.

And the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money

was an orange pool table.

Pretty cool purchase, but that was the first time

I realized a smart parent died.

[Bit 2]

And I guess there were some signs that my dad was, like,

a dumb guy.

I didn't realize kind of how out of touch he was

until he started dating again.

I got him his first iPhone, and he got him one of those

old-person dating apps.

He was called, like, "Our Time" or "Times Up" or something.

And, uh...

He immediately started getting spammed by B-A-T-E-S-S-S

And I'd tell him, like, "Hey, Dad, those are, like,

bots. Those are fake counts.

They don't engage with those."

But he was, like, so foreign to the concept of bots,

he was like, "Yeah, I don't care. They look hot.

I'm gonna fuck the bots."

Thank you, guys. This is my son.

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

setup-Hey, I started stand-up a few years ago

setupafter my mom passed away.

setupAnd the first thing my dad bought with the life insurance money

setupwas an orange pool table.

setupPretty cool purchase, but that was the first time

punchlineI realized a smart parent died.