[Bit 1]
Well I'll tell you what Tony Hinchliffe, I see a lot of seemingly brave men up here,
but I don't see any balls.
[Bit 2]
Oh my god. Ari, we are under direct orders and I told you this.
The entire show is under orders.
There cannot be, they specifically researched the show
and they said Ari Shaffir cannot show his dick
and balls at Madison Square Garden.
No, I don't think you guys understand.
There is literally a $100,000 penalty
that I literally have to pay if he shows his genitalia.
They have very strict rules.
This is the number one arena in the world.
And it's written in a cont--
why do you guys want me to pay that money?
I thought you were fans of the show.
This place is in a ruckus.
Tony, you put me in a tough position with all your gay talk there.
I don't want to cost you $100,000 and I guess I'm sorry to you guys.
Your boos make a good point.
This is Maz in Square Garden.
When Jayla Brunson comes here, he doesn't bring his fucking volleyball, does he?
When Billy Joel's here, he doesn't bring the violin.
[Bit 3]
I literally have no choice, they're fucking...
It's 20,000 people, you know what I mean man.
I'm the President of the Legion of Skates and I can't deny a champ!
Think about the children, Ari.
My agents and everybody warned...
It just hit a man in the face.
Look at that guy's mouth.
Oh, there's dicks like everywhere.
[Bit 4]
Tony, I'm a change man.
Yeah, and I know you come from Austin.
But over here, the men are a little bit different.
That's the fastest transitioning I've ever seen in my life.
That was like a drive-through transition right there.
[Bit 5]
Oh no, I just saw this outside.
Oh, wait, that's a vagina.
All right, that's a vagina.
By the way, I still see a little bit of your balls by the way.
If I get charged this fucking money, I'm going to kill you.
Oh, now he doesn't want to grab it.
Wow, you've changed since Monkey Box.
[Bit 6]
Jim Norton is going to fuck the shit out of you out there.
I think it would be a real shame if nobody
has stuck their finger in that.
Harlan the old canary in the coal mine. Oh my god. Oh the old wettest of the willies
Please make some noise for my big brother Ari Shaffir everybody
