That nigga still homeless.
[Bit 1]
I recently was in Fort Wayne, Indiana,
and I went to a tractor pool.
Oh, you've heard of this.
It's just like this, it's a lot of white people,
but y'all are like really nice.
Y'all look like, good, you like black people.
They was like, how did you find out about our meeting?
A tractor pool is like a clan rally with a theme.
[Bit 2]
At one point, they started booing.
They started booing one of the racers,
and it was just me and three other black people
walking through a sea of whites just hearing boo.
And one white guy went, "Don't worry, we not booing you."
That's the next chance, right?
[Bit 3]
And at the tractor pool, they had the Amish there.
I've never seen the Amish in my life.
I'm from Florida, though.
So I saw him, I was like, "Oh, shit, it's the Amish."
And they were like, "Oh, fuck, it's a nigger!"
Coming in just storming with the best jokes of the night.
Absolutely incredible. All from another weekend on the road. You are able to sell
tickets, make money, and at the same time make more material. You are a fully
operational machine. Absolutely incredible. Tractor Pool in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Sam Talent. I just want to say this. So Cam, we booked you to do that festival I'm
running in Arkansas in October. Diamond City Comedy Festival. And we received your
rider today. Okay. Oh, I just want to read what's on this rider.
Please. If anyone had any doubts, the cam's the blackest man alive. So an adequate amount
of bottled water or that's normal. I need to hazard an assortment of gums and mints
Or as you guys call it in Estonia, beef.
And then this is where it gets a bit specific.
And it better fucking be there, though.
It better fucking be there.
I'm going to make it personal.
And just to follow up, in case that wasn't definitively black
and then in parentheses, the number two--
There's not even a specific--
even John Deese is confused at your rider.
And he has the exact same rider.
Where's the chicken, John wants to know?
I usually have it at the clubs and shit.
I don't got to ask for chicken.
You didn't even say what--
Whatever Kool-Aids you-- so I'm rating all the Kool-Aids.
So the best place so far has been the mic drop in San Diego.
They made all the Kool-Aids in every flavor.
And that was delicious, right?
Hilarities was pretty good.
And then when I was in Springfield,
When I was at Springfield, there was a black dude with gold teeth and dreads, and he was
I'm making your Kool-Aid.
I'm going to say the same thing to you in Arkansas.
"I just hired a Kool-Aid maker, dawg.
And I never saw him again.
So you always drink the Kool-Aid everywhere you go.
- What the fuck is Kool-Aid?
- You don't got Kool-Aid in Estonia, nigga?
- Cam, I'm gonna leave it to you to explain
to this Estonian man what Kool-Aid is.
- It's a Kool-Aid like a packet, right?
that you get like, it's like a flavored packet
with a little bit of sugar in it.
- He's doing Martin Phillips' hand right now.
Kool-Aid is a little flavored, little packet, right?
And it got like a little bit of sugar in it.
And you mix it with water.
Now, to make good Kool-Aid, what the fuck is this?
- That's John. - The fuck's out of this?
- It's your very own John D's going against you on this one,
playing a little Kool-Aid undertone music.
- How do you make good Kool-Aid?
- So look, to make good Kool-Aid, right, see,
Tony would make Kool-Aid, he would put like,
little bit of water, right, Kool-Aid, you know what I'm saying?
And then a small piece of semen, right, and--
- 'Cause he's gay, right?
And a little bit, just a little bit of sugar, right?
I make Kool-Aid, same exact thing, two packets.
Two packets of Kool-Aid, right?
Water, sugar, the whole pack.
- This entire beat is a big problem in the...
I don't think this is a good career choice
It's one of the reasons, but not the main reason.
They got Patrice O'Neill.
- That's the expression, he drank the Kool-Aid.
- Yeah, yeah. - That is true.
- Very good, I learned it.
- This is everywhere you go, they have Kool-Aid.
- Or you won't go on stage.
Yeah, no, I won't get up.
If you don't bring me the kool-aid, I'm not going.
And what else when you're on the road?
Are there other things you like to do?
Was there other things in Fort Wayne, Indiana,
Oh, no, I just know one thing.
I know one thing I found out.
I want to fuck the Amish.
Yeah, don't shake your head, Red Man.
From Ohio, from Amish country.
You're from Amish country?
They don't know shit about Reddit.
Listen, they don't even know MySpace, dawg.
- Listen, I'm a fuck Amish, dawg.
- I wanna fuck Amish really bad.
I wanna fuck Amish really bad.
But I was thinking about it,
they were like, "We can get you on the farm,
but I don't wanna go to the farm."
- Because they stuck in the past.
- And I don't know what past they stuck in.
Oh yeah, no Kool-Aid out there in Amish country.
- You also have to fight through the Kors pubic hair.
- And Amish ladies pubes look like your hair.
- It's like fucking through "Choreboy," dude.
- You know how cool that'd be?
I'd be the only black person to fuck Amish.
Cam Patterson, in black history,
likes rocks, fuck the Amish.
