[Bit 1]
What you know about being the only black dude
at a country music festival in Kennesaw, Georgia
called Shaky Boots Festival?
Yeah, nah, I only found that out
'cause when I walked into the venue,
a dude ran up to me out of breath and he was like,
"Hey, my nigga, you know you out of uniform, right?"
And I was like, "No, I'm here for the festival.
And he was like, "Nigga, stop lying.
"I got an extra vest in my car."
And I was like, "No, I'm here for the festival."
And I showed him my ID, and I showed him my badge,
and he looked at my ID, and he looked at my badge,
and he looked at me, and he looked at my--
You gonna wanna hear this.
So Tasha came over, I met Tasha.
I met everybody one by one.
I made all 37 black people like I'm a black Noah's Ark.
They kept calling me the Daywalker.
And it was a great country music festival, man,
[Bit 2]
'cause all the black people that was working the event
kept giving me free drinks, but they also had reentry.
They had reentry into the festival,
so we just go to the car and like parking lot pimp
And the reason why we knew it was time to go drink beers
is 'cause my best friend Jesse,
who was a redneck Filipino but raised black
'cause she was my best friend,
her older sister Jackie had just had a kid
and she would look us in the face and she would be like,
"I need to get out of here.
So we would go back to the car
and she's chugging beers.
We're all drinking beers and she's pumping,
but she pumped more than like a regular,
like a white woman could never pump as much milk
as it take to make a redneck Filipino that's raised black.
Like my nephew Maxwell today,
he's 10 years old, he's taller than me.
So she's pumping a lot and I'm looking at her titty milk
and I wanted to taste some,
but I ain't know how to ass.
And then God got my back so much,
he confused my friend Derek.
My friend Derek saw me look at the breast milk
and he was like, "Yo, I bet you a hundred dollars
"you won't drink Jackie's breast milk."
Nigga, I was already thinking about it.
I don't know how you asked somebody,
like, "Are y'all a couple?
How do you get, if you have breast milk,
I gotta be like, "Hey, excuse me, brother.
This breast milk, you ain't bringing to your kids.
Can I sip something before he pour it on the ground?"
But for $100, I could at least buy one t-shirt
while I'm inside the goddamn place.
So I was like, "Hell yeah, let's run it."
And so they brought the funnel out
'cause it was too much titty milk to just sip.
It was too much to sip, you gotta bring the funnel out.
It was like two gallons of titty milk she was pumping.
And I chucked it all in eight seconds flat.
Also, I don't know if y'all love titties as much as I do,
Breast milk tastes like whatever the mom
So her titty milk just tasted like takate and tequila
it tastes like a redneck Filipino horchata.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like a little redneck Filipino horchata,
but also if y'all study titties, as much as I do,
you would know that a tittie milk has all the vitamins.
I haven't had a hangover in 12 years, nigga.
I'm doing good, that's my time,
