Jesse Johnson

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Watch Jesse Johnson's Kill Tony episode 180 set with a timestamped video, full transcript, and line-by-line joke breakdown. This set has 3 bits, 6 joke beats, 0.43 punch density, 0.00 tag density.

Career avg·3.00 bits/set·3.75 beats/set·0.34 punch density·0.75 tag density·3 sets

This set·3 bits·6 beats·0.43 punch density·0.00 tag density

- Hey everybody.

[Bit 1]

I know I look like I'm 12, but I fuck like I'm 16.

[Bit 2]

Actually though, if I'm being honest,

I accidentally started practicing abstinence

before marriage, which sucks because I don't plan

on ever getting married.

I counted it up. I haven't had sex in over a year.

Yeah, with anybody else. I'm not a monster.

But I'm just worried when I bang again someday.

Like, what if I forget how to do it?

Like, what if I forget how to just lie there, you know?

[Bit 3]

I did get into sex the other day, sexual text.

This guy, I barely know, he sent me the sex.

And he said, "Oh, my dick's so hard."

And me being a comedian, I was like,

"How hard is it?"

You know?

But he didn't like, you know, I texted it

so he didn't hear my like awesome delivery, so.

He was just like, "So hard."

Bit 1 · Beat 1

Beat Details

Joke Type

misdirect

Lines

punchlineI know I look like I'm 12, but I fuck like I'm 16.