Matthew Maloney on Kill Tony
6 sets·1.33 bits/set·3.17 beats/set·0.57 punch density·0.39 tag density
About Matthew Maloney's sets
Matthew Maloney has done 6 sets on Kill Tony, the first on episode #120 (28 Dec 2018) and the latest on episode #163 (21 July 2016).
Matthew Maloney came to the show as a bucket pull, a comic whose name is drawn from the bucket for a one-minute set.
Matthew Maloney has performed for guest panels including Brody Stevens, Josh Wolf, Doug Benson and Eleanor Kerrigan.
Matthew Maloney averages 0.57 laugh lines, punchlines and tags, for every setup or filler line. That is more than 76% of the 1,713 other comics PunchNotes has broken down.
Matthew Maloney's punch density went from 1.40 in the first set to 0.43 in the latest.
On average Matthew Maloney follows each punchline with 0.39 tags.
Of the 19 jokes PunchNotes has classified, 10 are misdirect jokes, ahead of reframe (9).
Appearances
| Episode | Date | Guest panel | Bits | Punch density | Tag density |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| KT #163 | 21 July 2016 | Brody Stevens, Josh Wolf | 2 | 0.43 | 1.00 |
| KT #151 | 22 Apr 2016 | Doug Benson, Eleanor Kerrigan | 1 | 0.09 | 0.00 |
| KT #139 | 28 Dec 2018 | Doug Benson, Sarah Tiana | 1 | 0.56 | 0.67 |
| KT #129 | 25 Mar 2018 | Theo Von, Fahim Anwar | 2 | 0.75 | 0.50 |
| KT #126 | 10 Aug 2018 | Bobby Lee, Greg Fitzsimmons | 1 | 0.20 | 0.00 |
| KT #120 | 28 Dec 2018 | Dom Irrera, Willie Hunter | 1 | 1.40 | 0.17 |
Jokes from Matthew Maloney's sets
A few jokes from each set. Open a set for the full transcript and every joke.
KT #16321 July 2016
I know I look like a serial killer, all right?
You can all go ahead and stop screaming it at my face.
I just walk up to a guy. And he says, Matthew, if you wanted to, You could kill somebody.
What kind of manager are you?
There's no way that's company policy.
KT #15122 Apr 2016
a new kind of pain. 20 minutes later I say, "John, we need to get you to a hospital. I think you're allergic to scorpions." And he starts to be like, "Whoa, whoa, you said that it was not poisonous." John, of course not. Who's ever heard of a poisonous scorpion,
but they're venomous as shit. Thank you.
KT #13928 Dec 2018
nothing but pieces of shit for his entire life. Total messed up man. This is how my mother decides to break the news to us. Still on the phone with my aunt. Hold on one second.
Carl's dead!
What?!
Carl's dead!
I only ever met him once, and he wasn't mean to me, but he never gave me any money, so fuck him.
KT #12925 Mar 2018
So you can't go back in time to kill Hitler because that would mean that you would never exist. And I know some of you are thinking, "That doesn't matter to me. I would still go back in time. It's the right thing to do. I would still kill Hitler if it means I would never exist."
It doesn't fucking work that way!
This isn't Back to the Future where you'll just start fading away from photographs. It doesn't make any sense.
If you don't exist, why would anyone take your picture?
KT #12610 Aug 2018
"Mags at the grocery store used to be free." And there were these yellow cars that would charge us $50 just to take us across town. And I know $50 is what you kids these days would pay for a bottle of soda.
But this is back in 2015 before President Trump fucked it up for everyone.
And they're not even going to care. They're going to have their Oculus Rift glasses on and they're going to be like,
gonna be like, "Shut the fuck up, grandma! I'm trying to watch porn!"
KT #12028 Dec 2018
to get any type of bird or reptile because I don't now, nor have I ever worn a ponytail.
So that just leaves me with one logical option. I've decided to get a scorpion. And I found this out recently. It's actually illegal to order scorpions through the mail. Thanks again,
9/11. So I had to drive 130 miles. And I got--